A few days ago we began working with journal questions about noticing what happens for us when telling the truth might hurt someone's feelings or show a side of ourselves that we keep in our shadow. How do we resolve which direction we'll go? What do we carry inside of ourselves by having made one decision over the other? Are we able to find a way to do both?

I have been living inside these questions for a couple of days now and notice that I find some emotional charge on both sides of this topic.  I noticed how I made choices when I was in a good mood and a bad mood.  I noticed the kind of advice I offered to a friend who was frustrated with a co-worker.  And I noticed how irritated (the charge) I felt when considering this as a choice.  I would come to "why can't both be an option?".  Is there not a place for kindness in this world without being diminished to someone who can't be tell the truth about themselves or others?  And on the other end of this, the truth according to WHO?  Are we so arrogant to think that we KNOW the truth about someone else - or that we've even so self-aware that we know all the truth there is about ourselves?  - See what I mean about the charge :)

In some ways the issue of truth led me back to being nice.  I started noticing how people (and me) create stories too.  How we can take one or a few data points,  and create a scenario about the situation or the other person involved.  This really stood out to me when I was talking with my mom about a family situation.  Now, as siblings, we don't tell my mom a lot about our problems.  So when I heard her construct a scenario concerning another family member (knowing the situation myself) from the few details she had - I thought WOW - here is this issue in action for me.  She filled in the blanks of the story with her own projections - how mothers should be, what children should do, etc.  And this story became truth for her.

This is not to point out my mother in particular (I love you mom!) but to say that I was able to recognize what has long triggered me when a person might say I'm just telling the truth.  That truth telling is often saying as much, if not more, about the person doing the telling than the scenario itself.  So where do we go from here?

As I was wrestling with how all of this plays out in my life stories, I realized that the goal is not to be one or the other.  For me, the goal is to be genuine and authentic and to feel connected with others.  And the question became, how can I be true to myself and to my own experience and show kindness and compassion to others.  After all, aren't we all on some sort of a journey?

Hugs,

Terri