Have you ever had a moment when you read something and it seems to capture the essence of your experience? I had such a moment yesterday when I read a caption in a book (I’m sorry I was scanning and don’t remember the book). “Roses grow in the mud” just seemed to leap off the page. What does that mean? Why does it seem to be written for me, right now?

A year ago I made a decision to transition from a 30-year career of corporate living. It was a wonderful ride and I learned so, so, so much! I met many kinds of people, at many stages of their careers, and feel blessed that the work I did was such a love and a passion. I know this is not the case for many people. And yet, for those of you who are also working moms, you know that having a career outside the home and a family requires lots of trade-offs. If you haven’t seen the movie “I Don’t Know How She Does It” with Sarah Jessica Parker, do yourself a favor and watch it! It’s such an affirmation of the joys and challenges that come with raising a family, loving your children, and working outside the home – whether by necessity or choice. I’ve made it required watching in my home (smiles).

At one point in my career when my children were young, I travelled about 14 days a month. Usually, I’d head to the west coast – do some work – and get back on a plane, travel to the next stop, and work as I made my way back to the east coast. And, I loved the work that I was doing. ALSO – I missed school events, didn’t see my children for days on end, sometimes because of the time zone differences I didn’t even get to talk to them. At other times I would make trade-offs in favor of family – and would be reminded at work that “I needed to be available on a moment’s notice if I wanted to be remembered”. Who needs these kinds of choices? I had to say that I was sick when I didn’t go to work if one of my children had a fever and I needed to take him to the doctor. It was a time of feeling like I was disappointing everyone. And being spontaneous???? That was sooo out of the question. Once my brother commented that I couldn’t do anything unless it was on my calendar. And he was right!

But there is a light that guides us through this if we can find a way to take a pause. As working moms, what we need often falls to the bottom of our lists because so much in our life is about taking care of the needs of others. For me, it took burning out – a couple of times – to move myself up my own list. I finally came to terms with having limits and realized that if I didn’t take care of myself then my family’s life wouldn’t work either.  When we move what we need up the list we begin to see the things that used to be our lives that have fallen off – friends, girl’s night out, movie night, spiritual development, hobbies that we loved.   It’s never too late to get started – or start again as many times as it takes.

Today – my children have begun to launch and I’m seeing with such joy the men they’re becoming. I’m launching a new business and am experiencing a whole new version of trade-offs. But this time, I’m committed to a couple things in my life– I’m separating what I call work from what I call vocation and giving myself enough time in the week for developing my vocation. I’m taking a cue from Julia Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way” and making a weekly date with myself. It’s been so long since I’ve had me time, that I’m not sure what this will be but I’m thinking something like going to a museum, going to the chick flick that no one the family wants to see, looking up an old friend, stuff like that. And I’ve put “friend time” right on my calendar!

So why is this blog called “Roses Grow in the Mud”? Because no matter what stage of life we’re in, whether we have children or work outside the home, as women we’re all juggling many balls, we get stuck and discouraged while trying to make something meaningful of our lives. This metaphor reminds me that because things are messy and don’t always feel good (the mud) that doesn't mean we're "doing it badly".  And in spite of how hard it can sometimes feel, we are none the less growing beautiful things. Remind yourself of the tremendous courage that it takes to have this life, to feel its up and downs, and to get up everyday and start all over again.  And it’s because of all this struggling that we have the hope and the promise that something perfect is in the works.

Today's blog is dedicated to my dear friend Lena, who helped me just yesterday when I got stuck in the mud.

Hugs,

Terri